


In Deep Space...

by Kingofthenerdz



Series: Now and Then [2]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7591831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingofthenerdz/pseuds/Kingofthenerdz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What else is there to do in the deep, dark confines of space? When you're the only known group of humans left alive, you better get to know the people around you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Matt suggests a drinking game, and if there's one thing the Saints know how to do, it's drink and dig up dirt on each other.

“Never have I ever!” Matt shouted suddenly, stopping their card game.

“You… What?” Pierce said, confused.

“Matt, no.” Kinzie said firmly, not even looking up from her cards.

“Oh, come on! It’s a fun game!” Matt protested, standing up.

“As much as I like to tell Matt no, I’m intrigued.” Am was giving Matt her attention now.

“Well, back in England we played it as a drinking game, but you just say things that you have never done and if someone else has done it, then they have to drink!”

“I think Johnny found some booze in one of those crates…” Supplied Shaundi, placing a bet.

“We are not seriously playing this game.” Kinzie sounded angry, but the rest of the group seemed up for it. Ben and Keith were scanning the simulation, but everyone else needed something to do to blow off some steam.

Shaundi popped out of the room to grab Johnny and the bottles as the rest set up a table for them all to sit around. Shot glasses appeared from somewhere, and soon they were all ready.

“So, like I said, if you have done something, you have to drink.” Matt was pouring the booze into glasses and passing them around.

“What if you’ve done everything?” Johnny asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Somehow I doubt you’ve done _everything._ ” Am rolled her eyes and poked him in his side. “But I bet I know more shit on you, than you do me.”

“Oh, you are fucking on. Prepare to be wasted in about five minutes.”

“I’ll go first! Never have I ever killed anyone.” Matt said excitedly.

“Seriously?” from Pierce.

“Why the fuck not?” from Johnny.

“Now you all have to drink.”

 

 **-**  

 

It stayed pretty tame for a few rounds. And then they started digging up dirt on one another.

“Never have I ever fucked more than ten people.” Shaundi was glaring daggers at Johnny who seemed far too smug, and both her, Kinzie and Am did a shot each.

“Okay, I did not expect that from Johnny.” Pierce was pouring out more shots.

“Johnny’s a real fucking romantic. Believes in candles and all that shit.” Am was drunk and her mouth was already far too loose for her liking. Turns out she had done almost everything so far.

“Oh, fuck you. You’re just pissy because I know your name ‘cause it was weird to call you Boss when you were-“

“Finish that sentence and I’ll blow off your fucking knee caps.” She pointed at him, giving him the best glare she could muster in her state.

“…Boss, did you…?” The group were speechless, which was a first for them.

“Next person!” Am said quickly, trying to turn the conversation away from this. She could _feel_ Johnny smirking next to her and her cheeks were burning.

“Never have I ever fucked anyone at this table.” Pierce helpfully supplied. Johnny, Kinzie and Am all drank.

“Kinzie!” Am held up her hand and Kinzie giggled. So she was drunk too. Good to know she wasn’t the only lightweight at the table.

“My bad. I was curious.”

“Oh, I’ve got a real fucking good one. Never have I ever, fucked a police officer.” Johnny said, filling up a shot glass. Asha drank for the first time in a few rounds and Am hesitated.

“Oh, fuck you. I can’t believe you’re bringing this up.” She did her shot.

“You still not gonna tell me who it was?”

“Believe me, you do _not_ want to hear that story.”

“Never have I ever been in a long term relationship.” Pierce, Johnny, Asha. Am reached for a shot and then shook her head, thinking better of it.

“That was weak, Shaundi.” She was getting pretty sloppy now, cursing herself again for being such a lightweight.

“This game is hard!” She protested. She was getting pretty drunk too. The amount of time she’d spent away from the drugs had completely lowered her tolerance. Johnny seemed to be the only one not that affected yet.

“Never have I ever. Gotten a tramp stamp tattoo.” Am smirked at Johnny.

“Does it count if the Zin took it off?”

“Oh, it totally counts.” He drank, laughing.

“Johnny, why did you get a tramp stamp?!” Shaundi had taken her shot and was looking over at him. Johnny laughed.

“Because we were fucked after Carlos died and the Boss wanted another of her stupid death flower tattoos and I thought that I’d get one too. It was a real fucking beautiful thing too.”

“Johnny, the words “fuck off” on your lower back are not beautiful.”

Everyone in the room burst out laughing.

“Eesh was so mad when we burst in and you showed her it.”

“”Johnny, this is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, I can’t believe you let him do this?!”” Am screeched in an eerily good impression of Aisha. “If I had told you to not get it, would you have?”

“Fuck no, that tattoo was special.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t come with me when I got my tattoo for Eesh. I don’t know what you might’ve gotten.” Johnny shook his head and smiled sadly. Am put her hand on his shoulder.

“Never have I ever fucked a woman?” Pierce said, trying to bring them all back to the game.

“That’s a lie and you know it.” Shaundi poked him. Everyone but Asha drank.

 

**-**

 

Am had taken to the floor to stop the room from spinning.

“You had enough to tell us that story now, Boss?” Shaundi asked, standing over her.

“Never.”

“Wait, was it that woman you were flirting with at that gala?” They had given up the game when they realised that there were no winners, just an incredibly drunken Am.

“Shit, I forgot about her. Guess I need another shot.”

“So there were two? Shit, Boss. You really got around back then.” She was going to hit Pierce. Well, she would have hit him if she could get up.

“Not as much as some people in this room!” She half sang and Shaundi made a noise of protest.

“Oh, come on I thought we were finally forgetting about that!”

“I nearly included them all in my thank you speech, remember?”

“When you appointed the new Ultor board of directors? You scared them shitless.”

“Dex’s face was priceless when he realised what was happening.”

“Fuck Dex.” Johnny said. He was leisurely playing pool, almost unfazed by the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. It was so unfair.

“Who’s Dex?” Kinzie asked, sitting on the floor next to where Am was lying.

“One of my former bosses.” From Am

“A dickface.” From Johnny.

“Johnny’s still pissed that Dex turned his back on us.” Am rolled onto her front. “He was one of the original lieutenants when I joined. Took a job with Ultor just before I got blown up.”

“Fucking backstabber.”

“Johnny, you literally stabbed him in the back, I don’t know why you’re still pissed about it.” Shaundi mimed the stabbing, swaying where she sat. Kinzie looked confused.

“Don’t worry about it too much. Just try not to piss him off.” Am patted her on the shoulder.

Matt snored from the corner he was passed out in across the room, shutting everyone up for a second, before they all burst out laughing.

“He lasted a lot longer than I thought he would.” Shaundi mused, looking over at him. Am kept forgetting how much younger he was compared to the rest of them. She felt almost sorry for him.

 

**-**

 

She’d sobered up quite a bit, but no matter how drunk she would ever get, she knew she wasn’t going to be sleeping. Stepping over the bodies of her passed out crewmates she moved over to Johnny. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close.

“So you need me, do you?” She felt her cheeks go red and she pushed at him.

“Shut up.” He pulled her out into the corridor and pressed her up against the wall. “Are you trying to take advantage of me?” She asked with a smirk.

“Like you don’t want me to fuck you.”

“I did make a promise a while ago to myself to stop having sex in places I could get caught…” He pressed his lips against hers, shutting her up. She didn’t realise how much she missed this. It was so easy with him because he actually understood her and she understood him. They’d been through so much together; it felt like the natural course of action. She didn’t know how or if they would make it work, what with her never having been in a real adult relationship and them both being psychopaths, but she was glad to be forging something with him. Pulling away, she rested her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

“What’s this for? Thought we were going to fuck?” He asked

“Thank you.” She mumbled into his chest.

“For what? I ain’t done nothing.” Leaning up, she kissed him gently. It was unlike her to be so vulnerable, but he just smiled at her for it.

“I need you too, Am. Fuck, I’ve always needed you. Now can we stop being so fucking soppy?” She laughed.

“Blame the booze. It just made me think about everything we’ve been through.” Taking her by the hand, he dragged her towards the sleeping area.


	2. Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Destiny

The space where the earth had been was finally empty. The rocks that had been left had floated away, leaving a vast emptiness. She never knew how to feel when she looked out here. Billions of people died that day, and she was still here. They’d been back a few times in the time machine and picked up some pretty cool stuff, but they hadn’t been able to change anything. No matter how much they messed with the timelines, the Earth was still destroyed. 

Arms wrapped around her waist, Johnny’s familiar body pressing against her back. His chin came to rest on her shoulder and she laced their fingers together.

“Do you think everything happens for a reason?” She whispered, closing her eyes and leaning into him.

“You going all fuckin’ philosophical on me, Boss?” 

“I didn’t know you knew a word that big.” She retorted and he huffed into her ear, tightening his grip on her.

“I guess… I don’t know. I don’t fuckin’ think about these things.” She turned to face him, frowning. He had followed her from their bed, not bothering to pick up his glasses along the way.

“Everything that’s ever happened to us, do you ever think it happened for a reason?” He just looked at her in disbelief that she was even thinking about this stuff, and shrugged.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that?” She stepped out of his arms and walked over to the window, looking back out at the stars.

“If I hadn’t met Julius that night, I might never have been a Saint.”

“I would’ve fuckin’ died back then if you weren’t around.” She smiled at his words. As much as it pained him to admit at times, he needed her as much as she needed him. She’d saved him a million times, and without her he would’ve been six feet under a long time ago.

“Without me Aisha would still be alive.” She said softly, not looking at him. He hesitated for a second before taking a step towards her.

“That’s not your fuckin’ fault, Am.” She kept her eyes on the stars as he put a hand on her shoulder. “Am. Hey, look at me.”

She looked up at him and he moved to cup her cheek, brushing his fingers across her jaw. 

“Eesh… Maybe you’re right. Maybe she died for some fuckin’ hidden reason. If there’s one thing I learned in that fuckin’ mind prison is that we need to keep going. Livin’ in the past is fuckin’ stupid. We’re the last fuckin’ humans, and maybe there’s a good fuckin’ reason for that too.”

She rested her head on his chest and sighed. She could feel him kiss the top of her head before he pulled away to walk across the room. 

“Are you getting the fuck back in bed or am I gonna have to carry you there?” He asked from the doorway, looking back at her. She smiled again and followed him out of the room.


	3. I Love Yous Whispered In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I love yous whispered in the dark

It had been hours and he was still missing. 

She hadn’t noticed that he was gone until Kinzie had pointed it out, and now she was pacing the ship nervously, wondering why the hell it was taking so long. She’d tried to get Jezebel to open another portal to Hell, but she had just shrugged and said that he wasn’t still down there. And if he wasn’t down there…

Am dreaded to think where he could possibly be.

The crew had already retired to the cabins, none wanting to approach her when she was like this. They knew that comforting her right now would be pointless, so they had left her alone until she was ready. She sighed, reasoning to herself that she needed to attempt to sleep. Tomorrow they would begin a galaxy-wide search for Johnny.

She had been dozing when the door slid open. She couldn’t see who it was in the dark of the little room, but the figure dared to move closer to the bed. It sat, kicking off their shoes. Her heart skipped a beat as the man unzipped his suit, and she was sure by the time he slid into the bed next to her. 

“I thought you were…” She started, but she trailed off as her chest tightened. She could feel tears forming, and she felt stupid for crying over this. She was just so happy that he was here with her, but some part of her mind was terrified that this was just a dream.

“Tell you ‘bout it later.” He sounded tired as he wrapped his arms around her. She let out a choked sob, finally able to believe that he was with her, that this wasn’t a hallucination that she would wake up from. She could feel him press his lips to the top of her head, and she held him tighter, afraid to let go.

She leaned back, out of his arms. She could just about make out his face in the darkness, and she reached a hand up to brush her fingers across his cheek. He was real. He was here. _He was safe_.

“I love you.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips.She could feel him smile through the kiss and she pulled back slightly so she could move. Ghosting her lips along his jaw, she whispered it again and again as she moved along his body, kissing every inch of skin she could get to.

“I love you too.” He whispered back, and she lay her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again.” He chuckled at her words, lacing their fingers together.

“I’m not fuckin’ planning on it.”


	4. Clones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Am thought she wouldn't have to live through a nightmare simulation. She was wrong.

Rescuing her cabinet had been an interesting experience. Reliving old memories and seeing Pierce’s giant Saints Flow can had thrown them off of their original mission, but she was ready to get back into the simulation and wreak as much havoc as she possibly could.

 

“There’s some strange data waves coming from the simulation, Boss. I think Zinyak might be fighting back by-“ Kinzie was about to go into a rant about computers and techy stuff, and Am could already feel a headache coming on.

“Alright, you don’t need to bore me with the technical stuff. Tell me what I need to kill and I’ll get it done.”

Leaning back into the machine, she closed her eyes as Matt strapped her in.

“I can’t quite tell what it is, so I need you to go check it out.” Kinzie said as the simulation booted up.

 

The streets were empty when she opened her eyes. Not even the wind moved as she looked around. The silence was deafening.

“Kinzie?” Am asked, moving forward. Nothing. She couldn’t even hear the familiar static that let her know that Kinzie was listening in. A bright light appeared on the other side of the street, and Am just stared. Walking towards the light was never a good idea, but then again, when had she been one to listen to what people had to say? Jogging over to the brightness, she examined it. It looked like another doorway, but Am doubted that Kinzie had anything to do with it.

 

Then a hand grabbed her arm and dragged her forward.

 

It felt like she was falling, moments from her life appearing in front of her in reverse, flashing before her eyes.

“I hope you didn’t think I would make it that easy.” Zinyak sounded bored almost, his voice surrounding her from every side. Then everything went dark and the images melted away.

 

 

The church looked as derelict in this simulation as it had done in Ben’s. A crowd of people in purple had gathered outside around her, listening to Julius speak. She could see Dex and Troy scanning the group in front of them. Dex looked around the group as if deciding something and Troy had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Johnny stood to the side of them, his ridiculous honey badger hair looking worse than she remembered it. Am looked down at herself, and was taken aback by what she saw. She was sixteen again. Her hair cropped short and the baggy hoodie hiding her true figure. She knew what Zinyak was doing, and it was a real dick move.

“Boss? Boss!” Kinzie was shouting, but when she went to answer, nothing came out of her mouth.

“Ah, ah, ah. We’re going for a certain authenticity here.” Zinyak cut Kinzie off, and Am realised that he’d silenced her on purpose. She didn’t speak back then, so of course he’d find a way to take her voice from her now. She knew she would have to let the simulation play out while Kinzie figured out how to end it. Once she paid attention back to the group, she realised that they had turned on her. So she had to fight through her canonisation again. She could do that.

 

The first two guys approached her and she took them out easily. A few punches and they were down. However, she could already feel the strain on her body. She had never done anything like this before when this originally happened. At twenty-nine, she’d been through it with nine different gangs and had built up a layer of muscle that made her body hard and used to fighting. At sixteen this was the first real fight she had ever been in. She’d taken down the Vice Kings that murdered her parents, but that was more out of sheer luck than practice and training. Not that she was in bad shape back then, but it was nothing compared to her older body.

 

Three more guys stepped forward, cracking their knuckles. Ducking the first punch, she stepped to the side. She remembered these guys and how they fought. She could use that to her benefit. The tallest of the three was all offense and that left him open for attack from the side- something she took advantage of as she skirted around him and kicked him in the back of the knees. He fell, a sickening crack ringing out. The group cheered at that, hollering for her to continue. She felt Johnny’s eyes on her, knowing that she was impressing him. Dex and Troy however, looked nervous. They’d known from the beginning that they’d picked up another Gat, and had always kept her at arm’s length back then.

 

The other two backed off slightly, not wanting the same fate. These two were more calculated than the man she had already taken down. They nodded at each other and she watched as they tried to split up, one behind and one in front of her. Not letting that happen, she backed off making them follow her towards one of the larger graves. They smirked, thinking that they had won. Approaching her slowly, they relished this time, thinking they had the upper hand. Balling her fist, she waited until one of them had come right into her personal space before thrusting her hand into his nose, breaking it. He cried out and stumbled backwards, hands going to his face. Johnny cheered from the steps of the church, quickly followed by Julius giving him a disapproving look. The last man looked like he wanted to back off, but Am knew that if he did, he would never hear the end of it. They thought she was a scrawny boy. And that would mean the teasing he would receive would be endless. Taking her chance while he was distracted, she grabbed him around the neck, bending him so she could knee him in the stomach. He went down, clutching his stomach.

 

The memory began to play out as it originally happened, Julius giving his bullshit speech about cleaning up the Row, but this time a large hole appeared on the steps below him.

 

“Did you enjoy your warm up?” Zinyak asked her as she eyed the door. She tried to speak once again, and he laughed.

“Don’t forget, I’ve been inside your head. Let’s see how you handle this.” She was pulled toward the door before she could protest, blackness consuming her.

 

The pool hall was quiet, not revealing the ambush that was waiting for her inside. Of course Zinyak would choose this moment to take her back to. If everyone had experienced something life defining or ridiculous, he’d make her experience it too. He’d given up on the prison of peace idea very quickly when he realised that it wouldn’t work, and this was his way of trying to break her. It hadn’t broken her back then, why would it break her now? He was getting desperate, she could tell that much.

 

She got out of the car, just like she did all those years ago. Loading her gun and picking up the spare she kept under her seat, she took a deep breath and walked into the building.

 

The gunfire started almost as soon as she opened the door, so she was shooting blindly at first. Once the dust cleared, she ducked behind a pool table, quickly shooting the people around her. She could hear them celebrating that she’d fallen for the trap, but she enjoyed the feeling of knowing that she’d be taking them out, knowing that their celebrations were premature. Picking up a gun that had slid over to where she was hiding, she checked it was loaded before launching herself over the table, putting a bullet in each person stood there. She’d gotten pretty good at headshots over the years, and her skills were not wasted here. Checking that everyone in the room was dead, she kicked one of the bodies and picked up his gun. She enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment that she’d always felt when killing people. It felt right to her. For a long time she fought the feeling, but the moment she embraced the fact that she liked to do it and it was something she was good at? She was unstoppable.

 

Heading up the stairs, she approached the room slowly. She couldn’t make this play out differently. Lin was still going to die even if she did try to fight it. Zinyak was in control, and he would never let that happen. She was going to have to lie with her again as she dies, and there was nothing she could do about that. But that’s what Zinyak was trying to do. He was trying to break her by showing her the things she couldn’t change. She knew she shouldn’t have tattooed her weaknesses on her body.

 

Taking a breath and bracing herself before opening the door, she took a moment to think about Lin. She’d been the first woman that she’d actually liked in a way that wasn’t purely sexual. Of course it would never have worked out between them, but a girl can dream, right?

 

Stepping through the door, she buckled as the baseball bat hit her in the head, Lin’s unconscious body fading out of her vision as the blackness consumed her once again.

 

 

Someone had stripped her of her hoodie in the process of bundling her into the back of one of the cars. Hands tied in front of her and her mouth gagged she lay still, listening to the purr of the engine as they drove. She wasn’t scared then, why would she be scared now? Lin stirred next to her and she tried to reach out, but couldn’t quite move her arms enough to grasp her hand.

 

The car stopped suddenly, causing her to bang her head on the metal of the trunk. It opened and she was grabbed by one of the men. Dragging her out of the trunk, they carelessly threw her at the feet of a man she remembered all too well. He pulled her to face him by her hair, and sneered as he looked into her face.

 

“You’ve been taken down by a little girl!” Sharp screamed at the group behind him. They looked down sheepishly, not wanting to be on the receiving end of his wrath. Loading his gun, he pointed it at her.

“Then kill me.” Pressing her forehead against the gun he had held out, she stared him in the eyes. She remembered this like it was yesterday. She knew what was coming, but she figured the memory had to play out properly. “Get it over with.”

 

Her accent shocked her. Had she really sounded like that back then? She knew she hadn’t been heavily accented, but she didn’t realise how different she sounded to herself. When she woke from her coma and began talking, she didn’t speak her mother tongue for a long time- naturally, she was able to pass for a full American and no one questioned that.

 

Sharp grinned and lowered the gun. She braced herself for what was going to happen. He slapped her across the face, sending her backwards into the dirt.

“I’ve got a better idea.” Walking around to where she was lying, he kicked her in the stomach, making her double over in pain. Grabbing her hair again, he dragged her to the car that was waiting with Lin already inside. The blackness consumed her again just as Lin began to speak.

 

She had expected to be on the boat when the blackness cleared, but she was stood on the docks looking out at it. The figures on the deck laughed and toasted to something she couldn’t hear. She could see Hughes from where she was stood. Why would Zinyak make her live through this again and not have her on the actual boat?

“Boss? You there?” Am looked up at the sky and motioned to her mouth.

“Right, sorry. I got a window. I think I figured out what you have to do. I’m splitting you up then you have to kill yourself. The younger clone- actually, no time! Just kill younger you!” Kinzie’s voice cut off as a light shone from Am’s chest. She felt something escape from her and realised that she was staring at the younger version of herself. Looking down, she checked her newest form. Her hair was long again, cascading down across her shoulders in lavender curls. She was older, but the black skinny jeans paired with the work boots and the tiny crop top showing off her new boobs showed she’d only aged around five years. She wasn’t quite back to normal yet. The other her was looking her up and down, still saying nothing.

 

“Fuck, did I really think that looked good?”

 

Amethyst could get a really close look at herself now. She’d cut her hair off herself, so it had grown at all angles, the pixie cut doing nothing for her face. The baggy clothes just weighed her down and made her look so much bigger than she actually was. (She tried to forget all the weight she’d put on back then because Johnny just wanted to eat at Freckle Bitches all the time.) She looked a real mess. For a moment, Am grimaced and wondered what would’ve happened if she hadn’t been blown up. Would she have carried on dressing and acting like this?

The clone grinned and pulled out her gun. Am barely moved out of the way in time, the bullet nearly brushing her arm. Looking back at the clone, she watched as her skin began to bubble, burns appearing across her body. She felt her own skin tingle in response to the old injury. While the Zin had removed the remaining scars that experimental medicine back on Earth hadn’t, she could remember the pain like it happened yesterday. The clone screamed in agony and lunged forward at her, shooting wildly.

 

“Fuck me!” Am shouted, dodging her attacks and shooting the clone in the knee. The clone went down, still screaming. She was horribly disfigured by now, her movements becoming more and more animalistic as she moved through the pain that engulfed her entire body. Am could only watch in horror as she realised what she had to do. The clone shuddered and went down, twitching on the floor. Slowly walking over to where the younger version of herself lay, Am held out a gun and put a bullet in her own head. The clone twitched a few times more and the life left her body.

 

“Kinzie? Can you get me out of here yet?” Am looked up at the sky. She knew she wouldn’t be able to see Kinzie, but it felt a little better to be talking to something.

“I need some more time, Boss. He’s blocking me and the other simulation is being flooded with gangs from your past, but it’s not coming from here. Just… Live it out a little longer, cause a little more death and destruction.”

“Death and destruction, now that I can do.”

 

Another doorway appeared, just ahead of where she was stood. This time, she didn’t hesitate in walking straight through it.

 

Donnie’s garage formed around her, and she was thrown into the middle of a gunfight. Ducking behind one of the cars, she shot out at the Brotherhood guys that had gathered in the building, trying to think of what happened here. She’d forced him into her shit a few times, but she was trying to remember…

 

Oh.

 

She knew exactly what this was.

 

This was the night that Carlos died.

 

She felt that sadness creep up again. There was nothing she could’ve done. By the time she could have got him to the hospital, it would’ve been too late.

 

The garage silenced and the simulation jumped without warning. She was in the office, Donnie cowering beneath her. She shook her head, trying to shake off how weird the jump had made her feel and concentrated back on the man she’d known for years. Donnie made a shitty gang member. She never knew why he bothered. Yeah it brought in steady business for his garage, but he was terrible at the actual things that she would expect from people in his position. Her fist connected to his face again, and blood burst from his nose as it broke from the force.

“Tell me!” She shouted at him and he coughed, choking on his own blood.

“I don’t know anything!” He protested, squirming and trying to get away. It was useless, she was taller and stronger than he was, so all he was doing was tiring himself out.

“This is your last chance.” She said, picking up her gun and tapping the bottom of his chin with it. She would probably never kill him, simply because the effort she would have to put into killing him was more than she even cared about him.

“They said they were taking him for a ride around the docks! Please don’t kill me!” He cowered away from her, his eyes closed. Getting off of him, he scurried away as fast as he could, hiding behind his desk. She didn’t want to go. It was horrible the first time, she didn’t want to go through it again.

“Ready to give up?” Zinyak asked, mocking her from the sky. Her eyes narrowed. She wasn’t going to let him win. Tearing the door of her car open, she was glad that she’d left it running. Putting her foot to the floor, she drove as fast as she could, tracking the truck with Carlos’ body.

 

She wished she didn’t have to do this again.

 

The car came to a screeching halt, and she didn’t even bother getting out before shooting the Brotherhood that were driving the truck. Carlos was already past saving, and she doubted this simulation would even let her.

 

Stepping out, it felt like time had slowed down. She could see his body, mangled beyond repair. In some places his skin had been worn down to the bone, too much flesh lost to even bleed. His face was almost as unrecognisable as it had been eight years ago when she had gone through this the first time. He made a horrible gurgling sound as he recognised who it was that was coming toward him. He reached out for her, but just moaned in pain at the movement.

 

She took his hand and he squeezed it with the last of his strength. Picking up a gun from the floor, she raised it. For a moment, she locked eyes with him and he closed his eyes. Looking away from him, she pulled the trigger, and the gunshot echoed off the walls of the buildings that surrounded them. She felt a tear escape and roll down her cheek, and the simulation flickered. A light shone just out of the corner of her eye, and she straightened up. Leaving Carlos’ body behind, she stepped into the doorway once more.

 

 

The streets around the Row were in complete chaos as Saints stormed the area. Police were trying to take them down, but they were overcome with the sea of purple. Am felt pride in what she’d managed to do. She remembered feeling content in this moment, finally at peace. But now, she wasn’t sure what to feel.

 

The window was broken, and a glance down at the growing crowd on the ground meant that she’d arrived in a time where she’d just killed Vogel. The light shone from her chest again, and she was finally back to her own body, wearing that ridiculous super villain outfit that Matt had made up for her. She had to admit though; the devil horns were a nice touch that she hadn’t really appreciated at first.

 

Staring back at her was the younger version of herself.

 

She sneered at her, that anger that consumed her back then clear in her face. Am remembered not feeling much else for a long time. The clone was just that, a clone of her emotions back then. She doubted the clone would remember any of the good emotions that had dulled the flames of her anger by the time she killed Vogel. Neither of them had any weapons, but that had never mattered to her before.

 

The clone lunged for her, arms stretched in front of her. Her hands grabbed at her, not bothered what she was grabbing, as long as she had hold of her older counterpart. Am dodged the clone’s grasp, quickly stepping to the side and letting the clone fall past her. She remembered how she used to fight. She never fought fair, and she doubted the clone would if she got hold of her.

 

The clone sprung to her feet and grabbed her. This time, Am wasn’t able to move away in time, and they wrestled for control. All rules went out of the window, and she dug her nails into the clone’s arm. The clone cried out in pain, and pushed them both toward the edge of the room.

 

Suddenly, her head was out in the open air, the clone trying to push her further and further out of the broken window.

 

She glanced down at the city below her, and knew that she wasn’t going to die like this. With all the strength she could muster, she somehow managed to flip them over, so that the clone was hanging out of the window instead.

 

And with a small push, the clone fell backwards. It was like it was happening in slow motion. The younger version of herself desperately tried to find something to hold to stop her fall, but she was already out of the window. Am looked away from the other version of herself, not really wanting to see what she’d look like falling out of a skyscraper.

 

 

And then she was falling too, memories sweeping past her faster than she could make out properly. She tried to grasp at them, trying any way to stop herself, but nothing worked. Blackness overcame her vision, and she couldn’t feel anything.

 

She didn’t realise she’d come out of the simulation until she was being held down on a cold metal floor. Blinking, the room finally came into focus. Ben’s face was above hers, looking down at her in concern. He was holding her and panting like she’d struggled, but she couldn’t remember why they would be in this position.

 

The room was a complete mess. Monitors had been thrown at the walls and were lying in a broken pile on the floor. Kinzie was sporting a bloody nose and Pierce was lying unconscious by the door. Shaundi and Keith were hiding behind one of the pods and Matt was hiding behind Asha, who had her fists up, ready for a fight.

“You alright, Playa?” Am opened her mouth to speak, but swallowed instead. Ben helped her to her feet, but she buckled halfway up and had to grab a table.

“What happened?” She asked, looking to her crew for answers, but they just shook their heads.

“You don’t remember?” Ben asked, his brow furrowed in concern. Am shook her head and took a seat.

“You lost it!” Shaundi said, finally emerging from her hiding place. “I thought you were actually going to kill Pierce.”

 

Am’s head was pounding. The last thing she remembered was being in the simulation. How did she not know that she’d left it?

 

“How much of that did you guys see?” She asked, looking up at her crew. They glanced between themselves, all unwilling to give her an answer. Finally, Kinzie spoke.

“Most of it. Zinyak locked us out at the beginning, but the minute the simulation began to play out, we could see everything.” Am nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Boss?” Shaundi asked, stepping forward. “Why didn’t you try to save them?” She was looking at her in concern, and Am felt glad for her friend in that moment.

“Because it wasn’t real. I couldn’t save them, and changing that, even in a simulation…” She shook her head and put on a smile.

“I’m fine, Shaundi. Don’t worry about me.” Shaundi’s eyes flitted to the mess of the room, and Am’s smile faltered for a moment. Trashing their ship was probably the opposite to fine, but she needed to hold it together. The earth was gone and they were the last humans.

 

She had to hold it together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (reposted to create a series)


End file.
